A pretty stinky mess (...and I'm not even talking about Sofia)

About three weeks ago I decided it was time I tried a compost. We had just carved the pumpkins for Halloween the night after the garbage came, which was really bad timing on our part. But the garbage comes Tuesday morning, and I didn't think our Jack O'Lanterns would make it until Saturday.

So, where was I? Ah yes, my glorious idea to start a compost. All those pumpkin "guts" had to go somewhere and I wasn't going to throw it into the trash or leave it out and let it rot. I decided I couldn't spend much money on something I 1)didn't know how to do, and 2) didn't know whether I would be religious about it. So I decided on a simple green plastic garbage bin with a lid. I had researched it a little and at the time, it seemed a great idea. I even got out the drill and drilled some holes in it myself! That alone was worth the project! So empowering! Then I needed to fill it with stuff. Well, I had the pumpkin guts for starters and some leaves and other "brown" material, like junk mail, news paper, and an egg carton. When I dumped the pumpkin onto my "brown" material, I had a flight feeling that since it had already started to decompose in the bucket I had it stored in, that it somehow was going to be a bad idea. Bravely, I continued my quest and day by day I diligently collected my kitchen scraps, avoiding the meat, because I heard that the fat would attract all kinds of bad things.

Well, I don't know what happened, but the next time I opened the lid, I was greeted by Maggots! *Shudder* I know! I tried to ignore my gag reflex, which immediately started to act up. I am by no means a squirmy person, and thought that once you've changed a poopy diaper, you'd be pretty much immune to such things. But that's where I draw the line. Maggots? Come ON!! There weren't a lot, well, I don't really know because who in god's name would count them? But immediately I went online to see what I could find on this subject. Nobody had ever warned me about them. It's like when you're pregnant and everybody just always tells you the fun and exciting things but somehow decides to ignore to tell you, that the body you once knew, has gone bye-bye, and I'm not just talking about the visible parts, if you catch my drift.
Apparently, I was not the only one with this problem. I found more on "it" than I ever wanted to know about, but my problem seemed simple. My compost was too wet. This attracts the flies and I will not go into detail what exactly happens, but if you google it, you will find out, trust me on that!
I decided I wasn't going to give up so easily. After all, what was I going to do with it now? Throw it onto the streets? I was going to buy wood shavings, the kind I used for the Guinea Pig cage, but again didn't want to spend any more money on it than I absolutely had to. So I chose dirt. That should dry things up quickly, right? Besides, our backyard has plenty of that. Still. But that's a whole 'nother story.

It helped. I got rid of "them" for a while, but they came back as soon as I added more kitchen scraps. Then I read that you should wash out the egg shells, especially the fresh ones with the egg white still in it, because "they" like that, too. Good grief! So I wash the damn egg shells, crush them and THEN put them in, right? Right. Sounds like a lot of work, but OK. Believe it or not, I haven't seen "one" since! Again, I do not necessarily go look for 'em but at least they're not visible. I do understand that "they" help break down the stuff and make it what everybody loves so much, organic, nice earthy smelling compost. But if I have a choice, I'd rather not see "them" or know about it. Hello!

Two weekends ago, Joe mowed our puffs of green grass in the front of our house. To call it "lawn" would be an overstatement. I got really excited, because that's good stuff for a compost! I told him to just go ahead and dump it right into the bin. The next day, when I opened the lid, I was greeted by a delicious smell of cut grass! I was in compost heaven! I felt like I could DO THIS! So I continued what I was doing, all the while desperately trying to avoid for it to get too wet. I turned it every once in a while, because I read that you should do that.

Then came today. Sadly, I am now almost at a point to kick the stupid bin into the street and let the raccoons, skunks and whatever else wants a piece of it have a go at it! I opened the lid, always being cautious since the "m" disaster, and was greeted by a foul smell, which almost made me throw up! What the HELL happened?? Even Sofia, who was standing about 30 feet away said, "Phewie, mommy, what's that smell??" That, my dear, would be mommy's friggin' compost, that she just HAD to HAVE! Did I give up right then and there you wonder? No. I grabbed a bucket, stormed out to the front and got as much of the leaves on our street, as I could, marched back there, dumped some of my mess out (thank GOD we haven't done our backyard yet!), put the leaves in, and filled it back up. Repeated the whole thing twice!

The bin with all its smelly contents is still in the backyard as of now. I seriously doubt that it will ever turn into compost at this point, but I'm not sure as to what to do with it now? Do I handle it too much? Should I put much, much more "brown's" in it? Should I add worms? WHAT? I so want a compost. But if that's what I have to go through EVERY. SINGLE. TIME then I don't want it! Maybe I am delusional to think that this can ever work. I don't know! I don't know. I've almost lost faith. I really do want to help the environment, do the right thing.

So, if any of you out there reading this, have any idea, PLEASE let me know, before my neighbors call the Department of Health, or worse the Police on me because they think I've buried a dead body or something. Anyone? Please?