Sofia's Special Star

The dreadful day, the day that I was trying to avoid for the past few days has finally arrived. Here goes the story of the passing of our first family pet, and having to explain it to my daughter Sofia ( almost 2.5 years old).

One of our guinea pigs, Pirate, died last week. She was old, about 7 years, which is ancient for those critters. I knew it was coming because she had been acting weird for about two days. I noticed one morning, that she wasn't able to hold her head up for very long without it bobbing around, and she wasn't eating much anymore either. I think she may have even suffered a stroke. Then, the day of, she refused to eat AND drink (I even tried to put water into her with a syringe but she wouldn't). She was also starting to get seizures, which was not a pretty sight :( . I covered the cage up a little after I put her into a padded shoebox, so she wouldn't hurt herself, and to be safe from the other pigglet we still have, so Sofia wouldn't see her. She died soon after. Luckily, it happened while Sofia was taking her nap, so I could really take care of her (the guinea pig) in her final hours.

I couldn't bear telling Sofia right after, and thought it would be best to not bring it up, unless she did on her own. Well, the dreaded day finally arrived today. She was painting on her little table in the kitchen and when she turned to put one of her art pieces on the big table (where the cage is), I suddenly heard her say, "Where is the guinea pig?" I pretended I didn't hear her right away so she repeated herself once more and spoke very clearly, as clearly an almost 2 1/2 year old can speak. So I took her into my arms, and this is how the conversation went:

Me: Remember when I told you that Pirate was very old and not feeling well anymore?

Sofia: 'nodding'

Me: Well, Pirate became a little star and is up in heaven now. And tonight, when we go to bed, we can say hello to her!

Sofia: I'm sad. (as she's leaning on my chest, with tears welling up)

Me: I'm very sad, too, sweetie, but she is in a really nice place now and she is all better! And whenever we want to talk to her, we can!

Sofia: (looking up in the sky, waiving) Hi Peanutpirate (her way of saying her name)! She's all better now. She's up in 'evan', up in the sky!

Me: Yeah, hi there! (waving as well)

Sofia: Peanutpirate all, better now. She's up in 'evan', up in the sky. (repeating it over and over again, for about a minute or so)

It just melted my heart, when I heard her talk about it and explain it in her own words. I knew the subject wasn't resolved, but at least started and I was glad she took it relatively well.
Later on that day, when we drove to music class, she waved to the sky and said "hello peanutpirate!" I heard her tell my friend about it and then she brought it up again on our way home. Each time I acknowledged it, but made sure to only talk about it as much as she would let me.

Then, Joe told me just now, that when he turned off the lights in her room, she looked up to her stars on the ceiling, and said "look at the stars, papa, pretty!" and I'm sure it was another way of her processing.
Suddenly, the song "Twinkle, twinkle little star" has become a whole new meaning to her, I'm sure...

The "star story" was adopted from my mom. She uses it with my sister's kids whenever an animal dies and for all the animals (and people) that have passed on. Every now and then, they want to look at the stars, find "theirs" and connect. I realized that saying anything else, explaining anything more, would have probably confused Sofia much more. I was glad I could use something that was easy for her to understand.

It was the first tough subject I had to talk to her about and I'm sure it's only the beginning, but I hope I did a decent job.

I think it's actually a very nice way of remembering the people and animals that are no longer with us. Sometimes I, too, look up to the moon and the stars and I remember them, wondering what they are doing right now. And maybe one day, when you're feeling down, you will look up into the night sky as well, and find your very own, special star you can talk to, and maybe it will make you feel better, too.